Subject: Definitions (Page 58)

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Conscience: A device that doesn’t keep you from doing anything – just keeps you from enjoying it.

Definitions

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Chic: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Philanderer: A man who considers himself too good to be true.

Definitions People Self

Chef: A man with a big enough vocabulary to give the soup a different name every day.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations Work

Science: An orderly arrangement of what, at the moment, seems to be the facts.

Beliefs Definitions Facts Science/Weather

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Experience: The name an older man gives to his mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Absolute Zero: The lowest grade attainable on a test.

Definitions Education School

Accordian: An instrument inharmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Entertainment Music

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Fights Politics Time

Oppose: To assist with obstructions and objections.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language