Subject: Definitions (Page 70)

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Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Epigram: A wisecrack that played Carnegie Hall.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication Definitions Language

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Antipathy: The sentiment inspired by one’s friend’s friend.

Definitions

Unwed Mother: One who helps perpetuate the genes of an unwed father, without the latter’s talent for becoming invisible at will.

Definitions Family

Childhood: The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions

Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman.

Definitions Marriage

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Middle Age: When you no longer care where your wife wants to go – so long as you don’t have to go with her.

Age Definitions Wives

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions