Subject: Education

When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Family Parents Reading/Writing School

Comparing information and knowledge is like asking whether the fatness of a pig is more or less green than the designated hitter rule.

(1948 – ) American writer & mathematician
Education Intelligence

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Education School

For those eight years Clinton was the president, it was like we had that really cool substitute teacher.

(1977 – ) American comedian
Education Government President

In your toughest final – for the first time all year – the most distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Lecture: A process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student, without passing through the minds of either.

Definitions Education School

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Education England Places School

 I want a school my football team can be proud of.

(1905 – 1998) botanist, author & University of Oklahoma president
Education Football Misspokements School Sports

I think I’m really learning a lot from my creative writing classes; the entire experience is just indescribable.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Education Learning Reading/Writing

The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
Corollary: The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.

Education Murphy’s Laws

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Learning Politicians

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

(1974 – ) American comedian
Education School

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education

Those who make a distinction between education and entertainment don't know the first thing about either.

(1911 – 1980) Canadian educator, philosopher & scholar
Education Entertainment

Football is a sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Education Football Sports

If you think that education is expensive, try ignorance.

(1930 – ) American lawyer & educator
Education Intelligence Money

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Language Learning

You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Education Money People

1. The more general the title of a course, the less you will learn from it. 2. The more specific a title is, the less you will be able to apply it.

Education Murphy’s Laws School

Education: The path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Education Intelligence

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence