Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 8)

What am I drinking? … NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Alcohol… enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded; trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

My mom’s Jewish and my dad’s Irish Catholic alcoholic, so I whine on the inside.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

(1547 – 1616) Spanish novelist, poet & playwright

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol… it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.

(1946 – 2005) Irish professional football player

I am not so think as you drunk I am.

(1884 – 1958) British poet, writer, historian & literary editor

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

Cliff: Hey, Norm: What’s up?

Norm: My blood-alcohol level.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

Abstainer: The kind of man you wouldn’t want to drink with even if he did.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

Honey, I’d suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer

What the sober man thinks the drunkard tells.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor

Not all chemicals are bad; without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian

Yeah… I remember my first beer.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

There wasn't a man alive who could drink me into bed!

(1907 – 1982) American journalist, editor & author