Subject: Food/Drink » Alcohol (Page 8)

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started.

(1923 – 1964) Irish poet, short story writer, novelist & playwright

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Get a man a beer, he drinks for five minutes – show him where they are, he drinks all day.

(1959 – ) Australian actor

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

My father drank beer in the morning; later in the day he drank anything.

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress

My manager said, “Don’t use liquor as a crutch!” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

God created alcohol just to stop the Irish from ruling the world.

(1956 – ) English actor

The Champagne they have stored is getting more valuable every year.

(1925 – 2005) television host

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host

Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Never drink anything that’s still on fire.

I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off; I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

Angels carry drunkards on their arms.

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer

I never drink water; that’s the stuff that rusts pipes.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer