Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Food/Drink
(Page 2)
Men will cook if danger is involved.
Rita Rudner
(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking
Food/Drink
Men
People
Barbecuing
I love defenseless animals… especially in good gravy.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals
Food/Drink
Gravy
Someone asked, “Mr. Fields, I read in the paper where you consumed two quarts of liquor a day. What would your father think about that?
Fields’ reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Beliefs
Intelligence
Religion
Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook
(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Situations
Drunk
Taxi cabs
This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine.
Robin McCauley
Food/Drink
Wine
I got food poisoning today… I don’t know when I’ll use it.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink
Health
Food poisoning
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W.C. Fields
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Reputation
Water
I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.
Brian Regan
(1957 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink
Ice cream
Overeat: To dine.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication
Definitions
Eating
Food/Drink
Language
Overeat
If you eat one apple a day for 80 years, you won't die young.
Blackie Sherrod
(1919 – ) American sportswriter
Age
Death
Food/Drink
Health
I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink
Anchovies
The way to a man's stomach is through his mouth.
Proverb
Eating
Food/Drink
Proverbs
Diet Drink/Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet Drink/Soda
My DNA is cheeseburgers.
George Foreman
(1949 – ) American boxing champion
Boxing
Eating
Food/Drink
Sports
Much work, much food; little work, little food; no work, burial at sea.
Cook's Law
Food/Drink
Life
Murphy’s Laws
Work
Rules
Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
Dov Davidoff
American comedian & actor
Food/Drink
Ice cream
Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
Mad
, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink
Money
Restaurants
Three things are bad for you: I can't remember the first two, but doughnuts are the third.
Bill Peterson
football coach
Food/Drink
Football
Health
Sports
Doughnuts
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Bartenders
Pharmacists
Food consumed standing up always has ten times the calorific intake of food consumed sitting down.
Gove's Law of Canapés
Eating
Food/Drink
Murphy’s Laws
Calories
Standing
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