Subject: Food/Drink (Page 43)

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible; if the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the “donate it to charity” slice.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

How’s a beer sound, Norm?

I dunno, I usually finish them before they get a word in.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
Beer TV/Movie Quotes

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Food/Drink

Sam Snead was born with a natural ability to keep his bar bills as low as his golf scores.

(1910 – 1983) professional golfer
Alcohol Golf Sports

If you drink like a fish, don't drive… swim.

(1902 – 1971) American comedian & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Animals Food/Drink

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said “No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

So I was eating this cereal, and I had all these questions and comments; luckily there was a number on the box.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Eating Food/Drink

I don’t understand Viagra… I mean I like pie but I don’t want to eat it for 41⁄2 hours.

(1964 – ) Canadian stand-up comedian, actress & television host
Food/Drink Sex

The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Food/Drink

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink People

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato; now correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s pizza.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink

We were the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it.

Food/Drink Places

Oh my God, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Alcohol Communication People

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Triscuit is the perfect combination of cracker and doormat.

American television writer & producer
Food/Drink

All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

German food is so bad, even Hitler was a vegetarian.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink