Subject: Food/Drink (Page 45)

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

Everything tastes more or less like chicken.

Animals Eating Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink People

I don’t wanna die tomorrow knowing that I could have had a piece of chocolate cake tonight.

(1976 – ) American comedian
Eating Food/Drink

A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Children Food/Drink

A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

I won’t eat anything that has intelligent life, but I’d gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Politicians

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Family Food/Drink Mothers

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Being a Scotsman, I am naturally opposed to water in its undiluted state.

(1870 – 1934) British golf course architect
Alcohol Food/Drink

His [Ben Affleck's] ideal woman is a stripper with a Budweiser in each hand.

(1972 – ) American actress
Beer People Women

I’m a postmodern vegetarian… I eat meat ironically.

(1965 – ) English comedian, musician, actor & author
Eating Food/Drink

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Food/Drink

I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the f**ker gave me the smallest slice possible; if the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the f**ker gave me the “donate it to charity” slice.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.

(1904 – 1963) American journalist
America England Food/Drink Places

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations

Zucchini: Vegetable which can be baked, boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Cheese Problems Solved

Book Titles Food/Drink

My father drank beer in the morning; later in the day he drank anything.

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes