Subject: Food/Drink (Page 46)

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Food/Drink Time

Health food makes me sick.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink Health

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Food/Drink Time

Never eat more than you can lift.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America that's never been advertised; and there's a reason – all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Food/Drink Past Time

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie; “Come on ‘long prosperous life!’”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Death Food/Drink

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches – two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Eating Food/Drink Money Poverty

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Food/Drink

The reason it’s called “Grape Nuts” is that it … is catchier, in terms of marketing, than “A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel,” which is what it tastes like.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Food/Drink

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Definitions Food/Drink

This recipe is certainly silly; it says to separate two eggs, but it doesn’t say how far to separate them.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Cooking Food/Drink

When he buys his ties he has to ask if gin will make them run.

(1896 – 1940) American author of novels & short stories
Alcohol Food/Drink

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

You want to have a little fun, go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

England is the only country in the world where the food is more dangerous than the sex.

(1934 – ) comedian
Food/Drink Places Sex

There are two reasons for drinking: one is when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it.

(1785 – 1866) English novelist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups; the very first one will say, 'Jesus!… this cup is expensive!'

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Food/Drink

I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink People Situations Women

Get a man a beer, he drinks for five minutes – show him where they are, he drinks all day.

(1959 – ) Australian actor
Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

I think Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Food/Drink Games