Subject: Government

Politics is not a bad profession; if you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Clinton is a man who thinks international affairs means dating a girl from out of town.

(1947 – ) American author

The cardinal rule of politics: never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.

(1931– 2012) American actor, producer & director

No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me; I’m like a white male U.S. senator.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

He rules the country with an iron fist – the same way he plays the piano.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

The more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws.


In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician

The Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

My retirement plan is a slippery floor at a department store.

American comedian

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Insanity in individuals is something rare – but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

(1844 – 1900) German philosopher

Untold Wealth: That which does not appear on income tax returns.

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

A taxpayer is someone who does not have to take a civil service exam in order to work for the government.

When the Republicans read the Constitution on the House floor, that's the first time ever that Republicans read something that wasn't written by a lobbyist.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Any ship can be a minesweeper… once.