Subject: Government (Page 7)

What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Acting Entertainment Government Insults

I went to medical school here at Columbia; I got my M.D.; and was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up – and not just because of the lawsuits.

(1971 – ) American comedian, actor, television host & former physician
Doctors Education Health Law School

Let the kids pay it – they still owe us rent and gas money.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Children Government Money

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.

Congress Government Murphy’s Laws Politics

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

Truth varies.

Characteristics Government Honesty Murphy’s Laws Politics Truth

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Balancing the budget is like going to haven: everybody wants to do it, but nobody wants to do what you have to do to get there.

(1942 – ) U.S. senator (Texas)
Government

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.

(1946 – ) American actor, voice actor & comedian
Government Military

It ain’t no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don’t break any.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Government Law

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Crime Government Money

The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries.

(1961 – ) 44th U.S. president
Government Misspokements

I intend to open this country up to democracy, and anyone who is against that, I will jail.

(1918 – 1999) Brazilian military leader & politician
Democracy Government Misspokements

There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order.

(1911 – 1994) German film director & producer
Animals Intelligence Military

Democracy: A state of mind in which every man is as good as every other man, provided he really is.

Definitions Democracy Government

Why is it that if you take advantage of a tax break and you’re a corporation, you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something you need to not be hungry, you’re a moocher?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Government Taxes

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
America Intelligence Language Military Places

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Conflict Government People

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Government Money

The difference between a democracy and a dictatorship is that in a democracy you vote first and take orders later; in a dictatorship you don’t have to waste your time voting.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Democracy Elections/Voting Government

TSA agents look like they would have a hard enough time protecting their lunch money.

American comedian
Government