Subject: Intelligence (Page 46)

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

History Murphy’s Laws People Wisdom

Men and nations will act rationally towards each other only after all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Characteristics Intelligence Murphy’s Laws People

I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government Intelligence President

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Fools Intelligence Mistakes People Problems

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

He has left off reading altogether, to the great improvement of his originality.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing

He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Fools Government Intelligence World

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.

(1844 – 1912) Scottish poet, novelist & literary critic
Communication Intelligence Science/Weather

He couldn’t grow pole beans in a pile of horse shit.

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

The brain is entirely fat… without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Intelligence

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Intelligence Proverbs Stupidity

He is at his wit's end – it is true that he had not far to go.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Communication Insults Intelligence

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.


Memory Murphy’s Laws People Problems Situations

If he ever had a bright idea it would be beginner's luck.

(1956 – ) American lawyer & novelist
Insults Intelligence

You’ve got the brain of a four year old boy… and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence

One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Emotions Fear Fools Intelligence

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Intelligence People Women

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may wet my mind and say something clever.

(450 BC – 388 BC) Greek Athenian comic playwright
Alcohol Food/Drink Speech Wisdom

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Emotions Memory Past