Subject: Marriage (Page 13)

As soon as they get married, they all get these big old guts on them; that's not from drinking beer – that's from swallowing pride.

stand-up comedian
Alcohol Body Fat Husbands Marriage Men People

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst of the bargain.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Marriage

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage People Situations

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast time.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright
Marriage Time

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee; unfortunately, she was just coming home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Sex Wives

The girl who marries for money may find herself in debt for life.

writer
Marriage Money

Marriage is like a row boat: it fits two, it doesn’t work on auto-pilot and it’s very difficult to have sex in.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Marriage Sex

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?

(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Marriage People

Why do men die before their wives? … Could it be because they want to?

(1967 – ) English comedian
Death Husbands Marriage Wives

Why do we have to go out Peg? … Isn’t it enough I know I’m married to you; do we have to tell the whole world?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes Wives

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Divorce Marriage

Once in a restaurant I made a toast to her… “The best woman a man ever had”… the waiter joined me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Wives

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Definitions Marriage

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anesthetic.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Characteristics Husbands Marriage Wives

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Marriage Men People

I don’t think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Health Love Marriage Wives

Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Husbands Marriage

Elton Takes David Up the Aisle

Headlines Marriage