Subject: Marriage » Wives (Page 9)

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

(1892 – 1992) American film & television producer & director
Beliefs Marriage Religion Wives

My wife gets all the money I make… I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage Wives

One night she told me to put out the garbage; I told her "you cooked it, you take it out."

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

I first met the wife in a tunnel of love… she was digging it.

(1931 – 1993) English comedian
Marriage Wives

My wife has cut me down to once a month; I'm lucky…
I know two guys she cut off completely.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor
Death Marriage Wives

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

Why do we have to go out Peg? … Isn’t it enough I know I’m married to you; do we have to tell the whole world?

(1946 – ) American actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes Wives

Wife: A former sweetheart.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Wives

I haven't spoken to my wife in years; I didn't want to interrupt her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

If you haven’t seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven’t seen her smile her prettiest.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Government Law Marriage Wives

My first wife, I’ll never forget her… and I’ve tried.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian
Marriage Wives

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

She took my son to Costco, bought 14 pounds of Oreos – and saved us money somehow.

American stand-up comedian
Marriage Money Shopping Wives

A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.

(1821 – 1867) French poet, essayist & art critic
Marriage Wives

It is better to have an ugly wife for one’s self than a beautiful wife for others.

Appearance Marriage Proverbs Wives

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Wives

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives; the first one left me and the second one didn’t.

(1956 – ) English actor
Marriage Wives