Subject: People (Page 121)

There are two types of people in this world: those who live in the cities… or ‘citizens’ as I call them… and those who live in the countryside… who shall remain nameless.

(1967 – ) English comedian
People

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Emotions Self

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own Scotch, you bring your own rocks.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Frugal Individuals Money People

61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
People Sex

Son, when a woman says nothing's wrong, it means everything's wrong; when a woman says everything's wrong, it means everything's wrong; and when a woman says that something isn't funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off!

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)
People TV/Movie Quotes Women

There are no good roles for Indians in Hollywood, unless you’re shooting at Jack Bauer or looking for White Castle.

American actor
Entertainment Hollywood People Places

Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.

(died 1457) English Bishop of Salisbury
People Situations

I’m really no different than anybody else; except that sometimes I get my name in the paper.

Canadian professional hockey player
Hockey People Self Sports

I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.

(1868 – 1938) English humorist, editor, publisher & writer
People Time

My dad drives so slow that when we’re on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

comedian
Activities Driving Family Fathers People

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication England People Places Speech

[Dan] Quayle thinks Roe vs. Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

Men and women are different; while guy is having sex he's thinking how great it would be with a different woman; while when a woman is having sex she's thinking how lousy it is with this guy.

Canadian comedian & author
Men People Sex Women

It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.


People Places

Beware of men who cry; it's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Men People

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage People Rednecks Wives

I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Government Intelligence President Self

Hedda Hopper: How do you know so much about men?

West: Baby, I went to night school.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Education Men People School

I was born in 1962… and the room next to me was 1963.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age People Self

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.

(1928 – ) American psychologist & advice columnist
Emotions Love Men People

He’s not technically a lawyer, but he’s got three court cases next week.

Lisa Lampanelli (1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Law People