Subject: People (Page 128)

Say what you want about the deaf…

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication People Speech

I don’t like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I’m both; well, I’m not black – but if I was then I could dance better.

(1983 – ) American comedian
People

Woman: An animal… having rudimentary susceptibility to domestication… The species is the most widely distributed of all beast of prey… The woman is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Men People

Men always want to be a woman's first love; women like to be a man's last romance.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Emotions Love Men Women

If Howard Cosell were a sport, he'd be roller derby.

(1909 – 1973) American sports journalist
People

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor & comedian
Men People Success Women

My first job consisted of me answering a phone… but it wasn't for me.

British comedian
Occupations Self Work

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n' roll, but I am the queen.

Richard Penniman (1932 – ) American singer & pianist
Entertainment Music People Self

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country, but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
America People Places

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

You might be a redneck if… you have a close relative named "Cletus.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks

Frasier: I’ve been taking stock of myself.

Carla: Not exactly AT&T, is it?

(1948 – ) American actress
Self TV/Movie Quotes

I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.

(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Emotions Self

Women are removing sperm from the bodies of their dead husbands; kind of ironic… when they’re alive, most men can’t give it away.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
People Sex Women

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Communication People

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

Never take a reference from a clergyman; they always want to give someone a second chance.

People Work

Pretty women make us buy beer… ugly women make us drink beer.

(1946 – ) American actor
Beer Women

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

You might be a redneck if… you take a six-pack cooler to church.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Beer People Rednecks

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Situations Work