Subject: People (Page 19)

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People

Man has his will, but woman has her way.

(1809 – 1894) physician, professor, lecturer & author
Men People Women

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

(1942 – 2018) English physicist
Beliefs Life People

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Intelligence People

Let's face it, show business is run by 2,000 Jews and Oprah, and she lives next door to Spielberg, which makes her Jewish by association.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Beliefs Entertainment People Religion

The first principle is that you must not fool yourself… and you are the easiest person to fool.

(1918 – 1988) American physicist
People Science/Weather Self

I never met a man I didn't like until I met Will Rogers.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
People

Canadians have been so busy explaining to the Americans that we aren't British, and to the British that we aren't Americans that we haven't had time to become Canadians.

Canadian writer & speaker
America Canada People Places

Love your enemies; it makes them so damned mad.

(1909 – 1986) American screenwriter, children's author & illustrator
People

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she wore a "Cross Your Thighs" bra.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Fat Girlfriends People

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People Politics

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Fights Self

If it weren't for my Adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Self

Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.

American comedian
Men Relationships Sex Women

I've always tried to be a good American citizen, so I have made it a point not to learn any other language but English.

stand-up comedian
America Communication Language People Self

It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us.


People Places

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
People Situations Time

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government People Politicians

Any committee that is the slightest use is composed of people who are too busy to want to sit on it for a second longer than they have to.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
People Time

Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Death Life Men People Time

Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve; run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened; keep the company of bums and you will become a bum; hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.

Characteristics Money Murphy’s Laws People