Subject: People (Page 38)

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

I hope there’s a tinge of disgrace about me; hopefully, there’s one good scandal left in me yet.

(1938 – ) English actress
People Self

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner; these men usually have jobs and bathe.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Men People

My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we’re having sex… but I say, what’s wrong with while we’re having dinner?

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Relationships Sex

Being an old maid is like death by drowning, a really delightful sensation after you cease to struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
Marriage People Women

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
People

You take 10 Jews at random and put 'em on a basketball court, you get a real estate seminar.

comedian
People

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Girls Places

Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.


Murphy’s Laws People

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Government People Politicians

Our ego is our silent partner – too often with a controlling interest.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer
Characteristics People Self

Women dress alike all over the world: they dress to be annoying to other women.

(1890 – 1973) Italian-French designer
Appearance Clothing People Women

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class; from ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance People Women

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
People

Guys are like dogs… they keep coming back… ladies are like cats; yell at a cat one time… they’re gone.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist
Men People Women

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian
People

I have an idea that the phrase ‘weaker sex’ was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Language Men People Women

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Cooking Food/Drink Self

Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning 50 feet off shore, he'd throw you a 30 foot rope; then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics People

You might be a redneck if… you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things Wives