Subject: People (Page 4)

Every time I sew a button back onto a shirt, there are then two solid minutes where I sincerely believe I would've survived the Oregon Trail.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
People Self

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money People

Don't keep a man guessing too long… he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People

True friends stab you in the front.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Conflict Friends Old People

A bunch of bong-smoking, America-bashing, flag-burning, yoga-posing, incense-burning, dolphin-saving, salmon-eating hypocrites; these are the sensitive, liberal people who are always yelling about people's freedom of speech and expression, unless you happen to say something that pisses them off.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Government People Politics

Unbeknownst to most historians, Einstein started down the road of professional basketball before an ankle injury diverted him to science.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
People Science/Weather

I always thought I'd go to the Oscars, but only as a stalker.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Entertainment Film People Self

Two blind fellows walk into a wall…

(1968 – ) English comedian & actor
People Situations

Health consists of having the same diseases as one’s neighbors.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Health People

Any committee that is the slightest use is composed of people who are too busy to want to sit on it for a second longer than they have to.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
People Time

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Death Self

Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
People Sex

You might be a redneck if… your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Things

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Health Old Women

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.

America Arms Conflict People Places

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn't know how to lie, cheat, and steal; he's always had an agent do that.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Honesty People Politics

Only when one has lost all curiosity about the future has one reached the age to write an autobiography.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Books Communication People Self

[Dan] Quayle thinks Roe vs. Wade are two ways to cross the Potomac.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
People

This year there are 50 women on the Forbes richest list, or as John Kerry calls that, his little black book.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Money Wealth Women

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

I've never seen driving as a sexual thing – I just could never consider it in that light. I think women are interested in the drivers because of the dangers, but some of us are as dull as Old Nick.

Scottish auto racer
Auto racing People Sports Women