Subject: People (Page 5)

Latins for Republicans… it’s like roaches for Raid.

(1964 – ) Colombian-American actor, producer, playwright & screenwriter

I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

If this is airing in the future and no one knows who Karl Rove is, he's the reason you all live underground.

(1974 – ) Russian-born American comedian, writer & filmmaker

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

Optimist: The sort of man who marries his sister’s best friend.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

(1956 – ) American comedian

When you talk to him, he looks at you and grins and grins and nods and nods and appears to be the world's best listener, until you realize he is not listening at all.

(1933 – ) television & radio host

Remember to always be yourself… unless you suck.

(1964 – ) screenwriter, executive producer, director, composer & actor

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

(1874 – 1963) American poet

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

(1956 – ) author & movie actress

If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

I look at my friendship with her as like having a gall stone; you deal with it, there is pain, and then you pass it.

(1955 – ) American comedian, singer, actress & author

Hello!… we heard you at the door, but just thought you were part of the bad weather.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The sheer immensity of the human self as envisioned by the world's religions is awesome.

(1919 – ) American religious studies scholar

Donald, I’m not sure if you're even aware of this, but the only difference between you and Michael Douglas from the movie, Wall Street, is that no one's going to be sad when you get cancer.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian

Mother Teresa with better legs.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it’s too much trouble putting make-up on two faces.

Australian comedian & actress