Subject: People (Page 7)

Given the unlikely options of attending a funeral or a sex orgy, a true Irishman will always opt for the funeral.

(1928 – 2002) Irish playwright, novelist & essayist
People Places

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Intelligence People

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Alcohol Money Women

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Women

There are those who don't even like to be rubbed the right way.

Murphy’s Laws People

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Definitions Friends People

Make sure to be in with your equals if you’re going to fall out with your superiors.

People

… doing what men do normally… bonding… endlessly congratulating each other… and wandering around in small groups looking for something to break…

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Men People

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
People

Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Age Old People

All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
People

I didn't know her well, but after watching her in action I didn't want to know her well.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Communication People

Look at a sweater made in Ireland… it’s like a turtleneck made out o Brillo pads. – On Irish people not wanting comfort

(1982 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
People Places

You might be a redneck if… your dad walks you to school because you’re in the same grade.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Family Fathers People Rednecks School

Modesty: Being comfortable that others will soon discover your greatness.

Definitions Self

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Age Appearance People Women

Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Age Characteristics Men People Sports

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance People

There goes the original good time that’s been had by all.

(1908–1960) British film actress
Insults People

Republicans have been accused of abandoning the poor; it’s the other way around… they never vote for us.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Government Misspokements People