Subject: People (Page 8)

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Takes a hard man to eat boiled owl.

(1905 – 1982) American film & stage actor

Never mind, dear, we're all made the same, though some more than others.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter

Pacifist: A fellow who could attend a peace conference without getting into a fight.

Cricket is a game which the British, not being a spiritual people, had to invent in order to have some concept of eternity.

British politician

Are Women Human?

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

A man who calls bullshit fertilizer.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor

If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

The average Italian…. is a cowardly baritone who consumes 78.3 kilometers of carbohydrates a month and drives about in a car slightly smaller than he is, looking for a divorce.

(1938 – 2007) British writer

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When I was a Republican, Saddam Hussein was our ally, George Bush owned a mediocre baseball team, Enron was a respected energy company and Michael Jackson was still black.

(1950 – ) Greek American author, columnist & website co-founder

Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a male schlemiel.

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

Hey, I don’t get respect from anyone… why, American Airlines thanked me for flying United.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

The higher a monkey climbs, the more you can see of its ass.

(Vinegar Joe) (1883 – 1946) American army general

Prejudiced people are all alike.