Subject: People (Page 8)

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Beliefs Religion Self

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
People Sex

I don't get no respect, are you kiddin’? The time I got hurt… on the way to the hospital, the ambulance stopped for gas.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Failure Friends Old People Success

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Autos Men Things

If you believe the past can't be changed, you haven't read a celebrity's autobiography.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
Books Communication People Reading/Writing

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Definitions Friends People

If you treat people right they will treat you right… ninety percent of the time.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Characteristics Honesty People

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.

(1938 – 1981) American actress
Men People Women

Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.

(1897 – 1975) American author & playwright
Fools Intelligence People

I can’t die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.

(1904 – 1995) American comedian, jazz musician & singer
Alcohol Food/Drink Self

They took a survey: “Why do men get up in the middle of the night?” Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men People

Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

Murphy’s Laws People Problems

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.

(1907 – 1973) poet & critic
Life People

Many persons have difficulty remembering what President Franklin Pierce is best remembered for, and he is therefore probably best forgotten.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
People

Personally, I think that if a woman hasn’t met the right man by the time she’s twenty-four, she may be lucky.

(1921 – 2007) Scottish-born actress
Men People Relationships Women

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad… the good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People

Behind every successful man, you’ll find a woman who has nothing to wear.

(1908 – 1997) American actor
Appearance Clothing Men People Success Women

That's the perfect microcosm for men and women: it takes a million sperm to find one egg 'cause they're all males and not one of them is gonna pull over and ask directions.

American actor & comedian
Men Sex Women

Giving Northerners unbuttered instant grits is an old remedy for getting rid of tourists.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Food/Drink People Places

The price of purity is purists.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Characteristics People