Subject: People (Page 9)

You might be a redneck if… you think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Food/Drink People Rednecks

If Harry Potter’s so magical, why cant he cure his own eyesight and get laid.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
People

Whenever someone you know, or someone you do business with, moves to a new location, it’s always farther away.

Murphy’s Laws People

A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle.

(1885 – 1968) American writer
People Women

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do – well, that's Memoirs.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics Past Reading/Writing Self

Only the paranoid survive.

(1936 – ) Hungarian-born American businessman, engineer & author
Characteristics People

The number one book of the ages was written by a committee, and it was called the Bible.

(1884 – 1957) Russian-born American film producer
People

There’s nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
People

A man can be called ruthless if he bombs a country to oblivion; a woman can be called ruthless if she puts you on hold.

(1934 – ) American feminist, journalist, & social & political activist
Characteristics Men People Women

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Beliefs People

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Entertainment People Places

The sign said "eight items or less”… so I changed my name to Les.


People Self Situations

A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Dogs Places Women

Let men see what's coming to them, and women will get what's coming to them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Men People Women

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

When I was about 8 or 9, I was a massive Michael Jackson fan and I wish I had known at the time that I was his type.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
People

I know when (women) don't like me 'cause they'll say things like, 'Yeah, that's him, officer.'

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
People Self Women

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

(1920 – 2001) American writer & humorist
People Places Travel

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

You have taken yourself too seriously.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Self

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good book… or a friend who’s read one.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Age Books Friends People Sex Sleep