Subject: Places (Page 3)

One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.

America Murphy’s Laws People

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

If you buy your July 4 supplies at Walmart you can celebrate our independence from Britain and our dependence on China at the same time.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor
Places

The only time France wants us (the USA) to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.


Places

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
America Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

Where I come from, the valleys are so narrow the dogs have to wag their tails up and down.

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Places

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Age Family Old Parents Places

If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't come to Vietnam, I'd send for it.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Money Places Wealth

Living in England, provincial England, must be like being married to a stupid but exquisitely beautiful wife.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
America Places

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is, not even the Irish.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
People Places

He (Robert Benchley) and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
Places

Space is almost infinite; as a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Misspokements Places Science/Weather

You might be a redneck if… directions to your house include "turn off the paved road.”

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Places Rednecks

Cambridge is the kind of place where you can walk into a children’s bookstore and find a self-help section.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor
Children Intelligence Places

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

I liked Amsterdam… I spent $2,000 window shopping.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places Sex Shopping

Cross country skiing is great… if you live in a small country.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Sports

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside “Made around the corner.”

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Places

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

(1904 – 1979) Jewish-American humorist, author & screenwriter
Definitions Places Things