Subject: Problems » Accidents (Page 2)

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

actor, writer & editor

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road; they get run over.

(1897 – 1960) Welsh labor leader & politician

I have lost friends, some by death… others through sheer inability to cross the street.

(1882 – 1941) English novelist, essayist, publisher & feminist

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history.

(1953 – ) comedian & actor

A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).

I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The most delicate component will be dropped.

If we see light at the end of the tunnel, it’s the light of the oncoming train.

If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.

A dropped object will fall with an acceleration of 32 feet per second per second, and if it is your wallet, it will make every effort to land in a public toilet.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor… especially in the dark.

If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already chipped or cracked.

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian

When the water reaches the upper deck, follow the rats.

Man is the only kind of varmint who sets his own trap, baits it, then steps on it.

(1902 – 1968) novelist

A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) – or into the garbage disposal while it is running.

Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”

I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

(1982 – ) American stand-up comedian

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality