Subject: Relationships » Dating (Page 4)

I was dating this girl once for a few weeks, and the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author

Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.

comedian

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event.

American comedian

Are we simply romantically challenged… or are we sluts.

(1965 – ) American actress, model, singer & producer

I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

He was really into family… he'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.

(1981 – ) American Comedian

I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands.

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician

I once dated a girl that was wild. I took her to a bar. She gave the mechanical bull her phone number.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I once dated a famous Aussie rugby player who treated me just like a football; made a pass, played footsie, then dropped me as soon as he’d scored.

(1958 – ) Australian author

I broke up with this girl… I can't tell you her real name, of course, because – well, she didn't tell me her real name.

comedian

Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner; tactics is getting her to drink it.

(1920 – 1998) English comedy writer, radio & television personality

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

My girlfriend and I almost didn't have the second date because on the first date I didn't open the car door for her… I just swam to the surface.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around, and I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian, television host, actress, & author

I took a girl out on a date the other night and I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere sexually, you know, because I was out of chloroform and rags.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face; that's the price she has to pay.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

I wish that there was a restaurant named “I don't care,” so I'd finally know where my girlfriend was talking about.

(1979 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

My computer dating bureau came up with a perfect gentleman; still, I've got another three goes.