Subject: Science/Weather (Page 12)

The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is that the same place isn’t there the second time.

(1940 – ) American ventriloquist, comedian & actor
Science/Weather

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort; 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

stand-up comedian & actor
Language Science/Weather

It was so cold… the kids at school were using flannel notebooks.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

The speed of time is one second per second.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Time

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Language Science/Weather

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

Scientists are trying to produce life in the laboratory, but it shouldn’t be difficult if the laboratory assistant is pretty and willing.

(1914 – 1997) American writer
Science/Weather

In New England there are three times of year… either winter has just been, or winter is coming, or it’s winter.

American author
Places Science/Weather

In India, ‘cold weather’ is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door knob and weather which only makes it mushy.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Heat Science/Weather

Why are the pictures square if the lens is round?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

The day of the big heat wave is the day the office air conditioning breaks down.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

But if you figure in the wind chill factor, it’s only 102.

professional golfer
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

At school, Applied Math was all about working out grams and dollars… we called it Crystal Math.

comedian
Drugs Science/Weather

We’re not used to weather in June in this country.

professional football player, coach & executive
England Misspokements Places Science/Weather

Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy.

(1819 – 1880) American oil driller
Science/Weather

I'm glad we don't have to play in the shade.

professional golfer
Golf Heat Science/Weather Sports

Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction — from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.

Computers Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

The older you get the stronger the wind gets… and it's always in your face.

(1940 – ) professional golfer
Golf Old Science/Weather Sports

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

cartoon character
Science/Weather

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Facts Science/Weather