Subject: Science/Weather (Page 15)

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Science/Weather Situations

No matter how clear the skies are, a thunderstorm will move in 5 minutes after the papers are delivered.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Family Science/Weather

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing; Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Wordplay

It is so hot… I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

Who wants to be foretold the weather? It is bad enough when it comes, without our having the misery of knowing about it beforehand.

(1859 – 1927) English writer
Science/Weather

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not ‘Eureka!’, but ‘That’s funny…’

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Communication Science/Weather Speech

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations Things

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

British writer, cartoonist, poet & performer
Science/Weather

You might be a redneck if… you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Science/Weather

Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It’s a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Science/Weather TV/Movie Quotes

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

(1943 – 2004) author & psychologist
Science/Weather

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication Intelligence Life Places Science/Weather

‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Science has always been too dignified to invent a good backscratcher.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Science/Weather Things

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

The most powerful force in the universe is compound interest.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Places Science/Weather

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definitions Science/Weather

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather