Subject: Science/Weather (Page 3)

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra; in real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Education Learning Life Science/Weather

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

Everything else causes cancer in rats.

Animals Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Equations are the devil’s sentences.

(1964 – ) comedian, political satirist, writer & television host
Science/Weather

I am an expert of electricity; my father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Science/Weather

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

(1950 – ) American cartoonist The Far Side
Money Science/Weather

The trouble isn’t that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn’t distributed right.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Fools Intelligence Science/Weather

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

It’s absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer; we have men, we’ve got rockets, we’ve got Saran Wrap – FIX IT!

Problems Science/Weather

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Facts Language Science/Weather

Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.

(1973 – ) American actor
Science/Weather TV/Movie Quotes

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis… sorry – I mean ladder.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

A lot of people like snow, but I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.

(1922 – ) actor, film director, producer, writer & comedian
Science/Weather

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

It is so hot… Dick Cheney waterboarded himself.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Heat Science/Weather

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Money Science/Weather

I put tape on the mirrors in my house, so that I won’t accidentally walk through another dimension.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Situations

Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Cold New York City Places Science/Weather Situations

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Life Science/Weather

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Facts Science/Weather