Subject: Sports (Page 6)

You can't expect Mr. Ed to keep up with Secretariat.

baseball player
Baseball Sports

I read the greens in Spanish, but putt in English.

(1935 – ) Puerto Rican professional golfer
Golf Language Sports

They probably would; I haven't played in twenty years and we're all old now.

professional basketball player, coach & executive
Basketball Sports

She’s not [runner] Ben Johnson… but then, who is.

(1926 – ) English sports commentator
Colemanballs Misspokements Sports

When I looked at the third base coach for a sign, he turned his back on me.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Sports

That ball is so far left Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Golf Sports

I played golf with a priest the other day. He shot par-par-par-par-par. Finally I said to him, "Father, if you're playing golf like this you haven't been saving many souls lately.”

(1912 – 2002) professional golfer
Golf Sports

We'll have an offensive team and a defensive team, and the other team will be in charge of carrying me off the field.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football Sports

The first time I ever came into a game there [Yankee Stadium], I got in the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball New York City Places Sports

… another dropped out when diarrhea slowed him to the point of elimination.

Cycling commentator
Misspokements Sports

That is because I don't have one.

American football player
Football Sports

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

The only really unplayable lie I can think of is when you're supposed to be playing golf and come home with lipstick on your collar.

(1929 – 2016) American golfer
Golf Sports

I didn’t hear him because my two Stanley Cup rings were plugging my ears.

Canadian ice hockey goaltender
Hockey Sports

Last night's homer was Willie Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.

(1924 – 2014) American baseball player & announcer
Baseball Misspokements Sports

The only way I'd worry about the weather is if it snows on our side of the field and not on theirs.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Baseball Science/Weather Sports

Every day you guys look worse and worse. And today you played like tomorrow.

American hockey player & coach
Hockey Sports

I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.

professional basketball player & coach
Misspokements Sports

You should enter a ballpark the way you enter a church.

American baseball pitcher
Baseball Sports

People don't know this but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant; I came down with hepatitis… the trainer injected me with it.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Activities Baseball Health Sports

Billy Wells was all chin from the waist up.

American boxer
Boxing Sports