Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Sports
(Page 81)
Normally in Chicago, you always have some kind of weather.
Unknown sportscaster
Football
Misspokements
Science/Weather
Sports
Chicago
It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air.
Norm Sloan
Basketball
Sports
On zone defense
Villeneuve is now twelve seconds ahead of Villeneuve.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
This is lap 54; after that, it’s 55, 56, 57, 58.
Murray Walker
(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator
Auto racing
Misspokements
Sports
Fortunately he is 22 years old, so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.
David Feherty
(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator
Sports
On Rory McIlroy’s wrist injury
I really lack the words to compliment myself today.
Alberto Tomba
skier
Misspokements
Sports
I wasn't talking to Holmes in there; every time I felt like saying something to him I found it hard because he kept putting his left hand in my mouth.
Randall “Tex” Cobb
(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing
Sports
Larry Holmes
If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly; if they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick… same thing.
Charles Barkley
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball
Sports
Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.
Scott Ostler
American sports columnist
Appearance
Body
Boxing
Fat
Sports
Buster Douglas
I wish I could remember everything I told him.
Charlie Hough
American baseball pitcher
Baseball
Sports
After pitcher Bobby Witt asked him for advice and then proceeded to win eight games in a row
It is amazing how may drivers, even at the Formula One Level, think that the brakes are for slowing the car down.
Mario Andretti
(1940 – ) Italian-American auto racer
Auto racing
Sports
Brakes
I saw on HBO they were advertising a boxing match: “It's a fight to the finish” … that's a good place to end.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Boxing
Sports
Fight to the finish
A lot of the people who make these suggestions would have a hard time filling out the application forms to work at 7-Eleven.
Andy Van Slyke
baseball player
Baseball
Sports
Fans
You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedes-Benz.
John McKay
(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Football
Sports
To the media after a game [the previous week he had said ‘You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas.’ and a case of bananas was left at his door]
If you’ve only got one day to live, come see the Toronto Maple Leafs… it’ll seem like forever.
Pat Foley
hockey announcer
Hockey
Sports
Time
Cricket is baseball on valium.
Robin Williams
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Baseball
Sports
Cricket
This year we plan to run and shoot. Next season we hope to run and score.
Billy Tubbs
American basketball coach
Basketball
Sports
I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.
‘Yogi' Berra
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball
Sports
Yogi-isms
If anyone wants me tell them I'm being embalmed.
Casey Stengel
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Baseball
Sports
It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.
Unknown
Golf
Occupations
Sports
Work
Brain surgeons
It’s not over yet.
Peter Alliss
British professional golfer & commentator
Golf
Misspokements
Sports
After Phil Mickelson winning putt at the 2004 Masters
Page 81 of 125
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