Subject: Things » Autos (Page 5)

Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough.

(1940 – ) Italian-American auto racer
Autos Situations Sports

I got a $290 parking ticket today… my car only cost $240.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Autos Money Things

My father only hit me once – but he used a Volvo.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Autos Conflict Fathers Fights Things

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

How to locate the slow-moving traffic lane or check-out land: Get in it.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Situations Things

You might be a redneck if… your the tail light covers of your car are made of red tape.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos People Rednecks Things

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Autos Beliefs Religion Things

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to the weight of packages you are carrying.

Autos Murphy’s Laws

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws

1. The last gas station for 50 miles will be closed when you get there. 2. At the moment of any departure, the level of gas in your tank depends entirely on how late you are. 3. You only run out of gas after your wife tells you to stop for gas before you run out.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things Travel

My Dad always told me there’s three things you need to have in the boot of your car: a blanket, a shovel and a flask; and he’s right – because whenever I’ve killed a man I’m parched.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Autos Conflict Killing Things

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Autos Situations Things

You may be a redneck if you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Education Money People

The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Accidents Autos Clothing Death Problems

If only two cars are left in a vast parking lot, one will be blocking the other.

Autos Murphy’s Laws Things

You might be a redneck if… you removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Children People Rednecks Things