Subject: Things (Page 37)

Baseball is the only thing beside the paper clip that hasn't changed.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Sports Things

Mobile phone cancer is more common in the city; so is everything else, including sex, coffee and conversation.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Health Things

One thing that really irritates me is a thousand things.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Things

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Murphy’s Laws Things

1.6 Million Cherokees Are Recalled

Autos Headlines

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Things

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

I wish airplanes were more like elementary school with someone up front telling everyone to sit down and shut up.

Things

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor
Reading/Writing Things

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot,
 then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Places Things

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Clothing Sex Things Women

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive; last week she learned how to aim it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Autos Driving Things

The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys; I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Sex Things

An alarm clock is built with a mechanism to scare the daylights into you.

Things

The driver behind you wants to go five miles per hour faster.

Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws Things

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Health Old Things

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets; it seems to me they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Things

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? … one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.


Things

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Places Science/Weather Things

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things