Subject: Work » Occupations (Page 11)

I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give it up. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football. And I have 20-20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Occupations Sports Work

The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Disc Jockey: A guy who lives on spins and needles.

Definitions Occupations

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

I wish I had put ballet shoes on him and not boxing gloves.

Boxing Occupations Sports

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Government Men Occupations People Work

First rate mathematicians choose first rate people, but second rate mathematicians choose third rate people.

(1906 – 1998) French mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

If I’m making millions to put a ball through a hoop, you can’t ever piss me off.

(1975 – ) American comedian, actor & writer
Money Occupations Sports Work

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

I'm not an actor, and I enclose met press cuttings to prove it.

(1915 – 1999) American stage, film & television actor
Acting Occupations Work

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

A pin has as much head as some authors and a good deal more point.

(1802 – 1870) American writer & editor
Communication Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright
Communication Marriage Occupations Reading/Writing

Should not the Society of Indexers be known as Indexers Society of, The?

(1929 – 2009) British novelist, newspaper columnist & television writer
Occupations Wordplay Work

Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the autobiographer is the most suspect of prose artists.

(1921 – 2012) American music critic & journalist
Books Communication Occupations Work

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

Theatre director: a person engaged by the management to conceal the fact that the players cannot act.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic
Acting Definitions Entertainment Occupations