Subject: Work (Page 12)

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn’t feel like it; an amateur is a man who can’t do his job when he does feel like it.

(1877 – 1947) British diarist & critic

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer

There are two essential rules of management:
One: the customer is always right.
Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)

No real English gentleman, in his secret soul, was ever sorry for the death of a political economist.

(1826 – 1877) English economist & journalist

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

(1940 – ) English politician

We’re all endowed with God-given talents… mine happens to be hitting people in the head.

American boxing champion

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another week when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

Ambassador: An honest man sent abroad to lie for the good of his country.

(1568 – 1639) English author, diplomat & politician

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

A high paying rush job comes in only after you've committed to a low paying rush job.

In California everyone goes to a therapist, is a therapist , or is a therapist going to a therapist.

(1924 – 1984) American author

We are paid to have dirty minds.

(1903 – 1986) American film censor

[Critics] search for ages for the wrong word, which, to give them credit, they eventually find.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes – make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

(1961 – ) English comedian, actor, director, producer & writer

“Pickup artists” and “garbagemen” should switch names.

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)