Subject: Work (Page 15)

People were laughing at me anyway, so I thought “F**k it, I might as well start charging them.”

(1975 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Occupations Science/Weather Work

I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech Work

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Communication Wordplay Work

Losing my virginity was a career move.

(1958 – ) American singer, actress & entrepreneur
Sex Work

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager
Occupations People Self Work

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Success Work

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Body Characteristics Money Work

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices… in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Work

All I do is hit somebody in the mouth; it's a whole lot easier than working for a living.

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Sports Work

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
America Places Work

In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

The only problem with having nothing to do is you can't stop and rest.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Problems Situations Work

The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.

Murphy’s Laws Work

To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. (Example: allocate two days for a one-hour task)

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

Working at the Job center has to be a tense job… knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.


Occupations Work

Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

Murphy’s Laws People Work