Subject: Work (Page 20)

It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.

(1806 – 1871) English mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to incompetence in their colleagues.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Dinosaurs with Jobs

Book Titles Occupations Work

No one wants to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby.

(1939 – ) American baseball player
Success Work

You know I'm the only Iraqi comedian… yeah true… at least that makes us three more than Germany.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Entertainment Occupations People Places Work

Believe me when I say that Bill Clinton's second term will be good for business… my business.

(1932 – ) American political satirist & comedian
People Self Work

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession a good accountant is a debit to his profession.

(1797 – 1875) American accountant
Occupations Work

Retirement: The time of life when you stop lying about your age and start lying about the house.

Definitions Time Work

Everyone who does not work has a scheme that does.

Murphy’s Laws Work

When all else fails, try the boss's suggestion.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor
Doctors Health Money Occupations

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Occupations Work

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Matt Thompson (1965 – ) American comedian
Emotions Laughter Occupations Work

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

1. Any line, however short, is still too long.
2. Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water that keeps it green.

Murphy’s Laws Work

I now know I’m psychic, because every time I go see a fortune teller, I know everything she says will be absolute bullshit ahead of time.

Miscellaneous Occupations

Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.

People Work

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Occupations People Work

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old Situations Work