Author: Anonymous

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Tom Swifties

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

He was watching me like I was a hawk.

Mixed metaphors

“This mental ward is busy,” said Tom crazily.

Tom Swifties

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence

“Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game,” said Tom lovingly.

Tom Swifties

“Rowing so much hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

Tom Swifties

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

Money

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness.

Misspokements

“I clubbed a diamondback snake with a spade,” Tom said heartlessly.

Tom Swifties

Just give me a shave… I haven’t time to listen to a haircut.

Communication Speech Time

I’m so hungry I could beat a dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

That e-mail was from Ann On.

Misspokements

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

That's the pot calling the kettle's bluff.

Mixed metaphors

Desk: A waste basket with drawers.

Definitions Things

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

If you are going to get the grief, you might as well get the gravy.

Expressions

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language