Author: Anonymous

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Definitions

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Budget: A schedule for going into debt systematically.

Definitions

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

Our ship was caught in a typhoid.

Malaprops

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

I invented a new word – “plagiarism.”

Communication Language Wordplay

Cookie: A standard method for converting sugar, floor, and butter into body fat.

Definitions Food/Drink

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops

Genealogy: An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Definitions Family

He was grinning like a butchers dog.

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

“I’m mentioned in this book,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.

Tom Swifties

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Miscellaneous

You're like a dog barking down the wrong well.

Mixed metaphors

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

That e-mail was from Ann On.

Misspokements

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Never let a gift horse in the house.

Malaprops