Author: Anonymous Page 111

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

He couldn’t grow pole beans in a pile of horse shit.

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.

Tom Swifties

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him.

Malaprops

Silence is bliss.

Mixed metaphors

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Work

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

She is so fat… when she was a kid she could only play seek.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Cantaloupe: Gotta get married in a church.

Definitions Marriage

Recycling of animal protein in feed proved a recipe for disaster.

Mixed metaphors

If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.

Beliefs Money People

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

“Those ballet students should be forced to do their exercises in the nude,” said Tom barbarically.

Tom Swifties