Author: Anonymous Page 12

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions

“I was removed from office,” said Tom disappointedly.

Tom Swifties

Home: The place where you can scratch any place you itch.

Definitions Places

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Definitions

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

“This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.

Tom Swifties

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.

Tom Swifties

Paradox: Two physicians.

Definitions Doctors Wordplay

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

Just give me a shave… I haven’t time to listen to a haircut.

Communication Speech Time