Author: Anonymous Page 12

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

“I’ve joined the navy,” Tom said fleetingly.

Tom Swifties

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People

Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

He is so fat… he's on both sides of the family.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it.

Appearance Body Wordplay

Graffiti: Urban scrawl.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place.

Communication Definitions Language

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Tom Swifties

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Cut the biblical cord.

Malaprops

“I can’t do it!” Tom said notably.

Tom Swifties