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Profanity: The father tongue.

Communication Definitions Language Speech

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Second Place: The first loser.

Definitions

Altar-Boy: A type of bicycle accident.

Definitions

Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in!

Situations

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.

Definitions Happiness Intelligence

The acrobats are performing freaks at the circus.

Entertainment Malaprops

Igloo: An icicle built for two.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

Just give me a shave… I haven’t time to listen to a haircut.

Communication Speech Time

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Science/Weather Situations

Money can't buy everything… but then again, neither can no money.

Money

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

Never let a gift horse in the house.

Malaprops

Small Town: A place where nothing happens every minute.

Definitions Places

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage