Author: Anonymous Page 124

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Mixed metaphors

He ain’t got enough sense to poor piss out of a boot.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

Situations

“Here’s another baseball glove”, Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

“I’m mentioned in this book,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

“Hey, you’re on my foot!” said Tom standoffishly.

Tom Swifties

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

“I must be on a visit”, Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

He's got too many oars in the fire.

Misspokements

Wild whores could not drag me away.

Malaprops

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.

Mixed metaphors

If you understand English, press 1; if you do not understand English, press 2.

Communication Language Misspokements

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

I would not trust him with a ten foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

“I can’t march any more!” the soldier called haltingly.

Tom Swifties

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

Eating humble crow

Misspokements

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve joined the navy,” Tom said fleetingly.

Tom Swifties

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties