Author: Anonymous Page 125

Choir: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync.

Definitions

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

“This Bud’s for you,” said Tom lightly.

Tom Swifties

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

Wild whores could not drag me away.

Malaprops

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

You can’t go in there cold turkey with egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

“My fellow Americans,” boomed Ronald Reagan, “I have just signed legislation to outlaw the state of Russia for ever…”

Tom Swifties

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions

Impotent: Willy-nilly.

Definitions Sex

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

“England is okay, except there seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse”, said Tom aloofly.

Tom Swifties

Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.

Beer Science/Weather

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage; I take that as a compliment.

Miscellaneous

“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.

Tom Swifties

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

I'd walk a mile in a camel's shoes to pass through the eye of a needle.

Mixed metaphors

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties