Author: Anonymous Page 125

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth

Friends: There are two kinds of friends – those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Definitions Friends People

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Communication Definitions

handle him with kids’ gloves

Malaprops

“I have those totals for you”, Tom added.

Tom Swifties

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Mixed metaphors

I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

Pediatrician: Man of little patients.

Definitions Doctors Health Wordplay

Better not open that Panacea's box.

Mixed metaphors

Beyond the question of a doubt

Mixed metaphors

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

Absentee: A missing golfing peg.

Definitions Golf Sports

Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.

Malaprops

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

Let’s get down to brass tax.

Malaprops Situations

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Mixed metaphors