Author: Anonymous Page 132

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

Self-respect: The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.

Definitions

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Animals Food/Drink

“Would you like some soda?” asked Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

Deep pockets… short arms

Expressions

She knocked the socks off the ball.

Mixed metaphors

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.

Definitions

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

“I really don’t like tending the garden,” he said witheringly.

Tom Swifties

X Chromosome: Sex chromosome responsible for the desire of dust ruffles, pillow shams, potpourris soap operas and ballroom dancing.

Definitions People Women

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

Definitions Work

“I teach at a university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

She has extra-century perception.

Malaprops

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

Mixed metaphors

B Flat: An apiary.

Definitions

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education