Author: Anonymous Page 142

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

America Places Situations

“I got this ballpoint pen from a Yugoslav friend”, said Tom acerbically.

Tom Swifties

I don't want to step on your thunder.

Mixed metaphors

I've been getting the corpse ahead of the hearse most of my life.

Mixed metaphors

My husband and I have a monotonous relationship.

Malaprops Relationships

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

I went skiing last week and broke a leg… fortunately it wasn’t mine.

Sports

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

People

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

Keep your ear to the grapevine.

Mixed metaphors

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Definitions Golf Sports

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

If the hours are long enough and the pay is short enough, someone will say it's women's work.

Money People Women Work

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Miscellaneous

Never judge a book by its title.

Mixed metaphors

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage

She's uglier than homemade soap.

Miscellaneous