Author: Anonymous Page 142

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Expressions

I don’t dance, but I’d love to hold you while you do.

Dance Entertainment

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

The record cover was a blank slate in 1939 at Columbia Records.

Mixed metaphors

Love: The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Definitions Emotions Love

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Tom Swifties

“Here’s another baseball glove”, Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

Golf Sports

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

Education School

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

“Your fly is undone,” was Tom’s zippy rejoinder.

Tom Swifties

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

Take the ball by the horns and run with it.

Mixed metaphors

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

Definitions Language

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

Wink: A whether signal.

Definitions