Author: Anonymous Page 143

He is so old… when he was in school they didn’t teach history!

Age Education Exaggerations Old School

“I’ve been waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

Let’s not open that can of worms until we get this one nailed down.

Mixed metaphors

“There’s no place for the kitchen sink,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

You hit the nail right on the nose.

Mixed metaphors

Carpet: A floor covering that is bought by the yard and worn by the foot.

Definitions

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

The world is your lobster.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

An unwatched pot boils immediately.

Murphy’s Laws

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Clichés: Fixtures of speech.

Definitions Language

Adolescent: One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Definitions

He wuz smilin' like a rat eatin onions.

Miscellaneous

I'm flying by the edge of my seat.

Misspokements