Author: Anonymous Page 155

It's as dark as the inside of a cow.

Expressions

Slang: Language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.

Communication Definitions Language

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

His ears are so big… he heard the sun come up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Health

They are crumbling at the seams.

Mixed metaphors

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

“I’ve got another @#$%*! insect in my pants”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

“I’m going to get a hair transplant,” said Tom baldly.

Tom Swifties

… since God's dog was a pup

Expressions Past Time

Criminal lawyer is a redundancy.

Government Law Lawyers

“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.

Tom Swifties