Author: Anonymous Page 160

“By convention!” cussed Tom airily.

Tom Swifties

It’s time to grab the bull by the tail and look him in the eye.

Mixed metaphors

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

Definitions

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

He’s crooked as a barrel full of fish hooks.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Insults

Spare the rod, spoil the broth.

Mixed metaphors

Let's clear up a loose end.

Mixed metaphors

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

Age Ideas

Advertising: That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of.

Communication Definitions

I hate to put you through all this rigor mortis.

Mixed metaphors

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Characteristics Definitions

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Work

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics