Author: Anonymous Page 160

Constant change is here to stay.

Situations

A husband always prefers his wife’s mother-in-law to his own.

Marriage

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions

Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.

Definitions Money

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

Vacuum Cleaner: A sonic broom.

Definitions Things

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Miser: One who’s perfectly content to let the rest of the world go buy.

Definitions

I know who turned off the lights,” Tom hinted darkly.

Tom Swifties

She has bigger dogs to fry.

Mixed metaphors

Group Discussion: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Aground: When a boat makes the discovery that all water has land under it.

Definitions

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Definitions Government Politics

Diet: Something to take the starch out of you.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Mixed metaphors

Definition: A statement intended to put a word in its place.

Communication Definitions Language

“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.

Tom Swifties

Chance: The pseudonym of God when he does not want to sign.

Definitions