Author: Anonymous Page 23

“That certainly took the wind out of my sails!” said Tom disgustedly.

Tom Swifties

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

Gardener: A man who never lets grass grow under his feet.

Definitions

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

You could have blown me over with a feather.

Misspokements

Flood: A river too big for its bridges.

Definitions

He’s not the one with his ass in a noose.

Mixed metaphors

Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?

Insults

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

Characteristics Honesty Lies Science/Weather

It’s like pulling the teeth from a hen.

Mixed metaphors

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

Business Forecaster: A person who is uncertain about the future and hazy about the present.

Definitions

Close the barn door after you've led the horse to water.

Mixed metaphors

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Situations

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

“Sesame,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m a lot taller than I was yesterday,” said Tom gruesomely.

Tom Swifties

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

Chip Shot: A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed puts.

Definitions Golf Sports