Author: Anonymous Page 23

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

He is so old… when he was in school they didn’t teach history!

Age Education Exaggerations Old School

“This is where I keep my arrows,” said Tom quiveringly.

Tom Swifties

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Things

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Problems

Neurotic: Someone who worries about things that didn’t happen in the past instead of worrying about things that won’t happen in the future.

Definitions People

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

The whole ball of worms

Malaprops

Consult: To seek another’s approval of a course already decided upon.

Definitions

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

She's uglier than homemade soap.

Miscellaneous

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

I dozed in and off.

Mixed metaphors

They tried to make me the escape goat.

Malaprops

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

From now on, I’m watching everything you do with a fine-tuned comb.

Mixed metaphors

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

“The vegetables are overcooked!” she steamed.

Tom Swifties

Well, that's a feather in your pocket.

Mixed metaphors