Author: Anonymous Page 23

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

Chicken guarding the hen house

Mixed metaphors

Honeymoon Sandwich: Just lettuce alone, with no dressing.

Definitions Marriage

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

It's hard to catch lightning in a bottle twice.

Mixed metaphors

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions

“I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more,” Tom said with a deadpan expression.

Tom Swifties

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

Now you have hit it on the head with the nail.

Mixed metaphors

“Why shouldn’t I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

… having too much collateral in your blood.

Health Malaprops

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Virtue: Lack of opportunity.

Characteristics Definitions

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Definitions Marriage

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People

Advice: Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain.

Definitions

Dyselxics Have More Nuf.

Communication Health Language