Author: Anonymous Page 4

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

Virtue: Insufficient temptation.

Characteristics Definitions

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

No two people in a car can agree on which window should be open… and how much.

Autos Things

Walking with your head between your legs.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s not a candy mint, it’s a breath mint”, Tom asserted.

Tom Swifties

“I have to keep these eggs warm,” Tom said honestly.

Tom Swifties

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Husband: One who stands by you in troubles you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.

Definitions Marriage

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

“Use your own hair brush,” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Art Definitions Entertainment

improvise

Tom Swifties

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Definitions

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

Tom Swifties

Till the cows freeze over.

Mixed metaphors

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

Blurt: To speak the truth.

Definitions Speech