Author: Anonymous Page 47

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?

Mixed metaphors

“I need some suspenders for my pants,” Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Credit: A commodity that becomes better the less it is used.

Definitions

It is so hot… potatoes cook underground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

I've hit the nail on the jackpot.

Misspokements

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Definitions

AAA-AA: A club for people who are being driven to drink.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

Don't put all your chickens in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

“I caught two hares”, said Tom abrasively.

Tom Swifties

Memorial Service: A farewell party for someone who has already left.

Death Definitions

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mixed metaphors

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions