Author: Anonymous Page 5

You've buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

Mixed metaphors

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties

“The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

She is so stupid… she took a blood test and failed.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Tom charmingly.

Tom Swifties

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.

Tom Swifties

“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.

Tom Swifties

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Step up to the plate and pick up the gauntlet.

Mixed metaphors

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

Education Insults

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

That e-mail was from Ann On.

Misspokements

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

Education School

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat